Ever been so focused on achieving your goals? But, a voice keeps talking in your head asking ‘Can I really do this?’ Many people self-sabotage all the time. They do things that undermine the chances of achieving their goals. But, how do you stop self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage can be intentional or not. You may realize it happened when the timeline passes and you have not achieved your goal. No one wants to put themselves down, but, you may do that through fear of failing or talking yourself down.
Whatever the case, self-sabotage is something you can overcome by intentionally working yourself out of it. Are you a troubled person due to self-sabotage? This article clarifies what self-sabotage is, how to know if you self-sabotage, and how to stop self-sabotage. Let’s dive in.
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is a behavior that undermines the ability to achieve own set goals. It is the act of creating barriers on your path to success by getting in your own way. It could be a failure to follow rules set by you and your mentor or getting late to work due to alcohol addiction.
Additionally, self-sabotage can look like constantly talking negatively to self, fearing the unknown, or lazing around when it comes to doing things that concern pursuing your dreams.
Self-sabotage can be caused by issues like a lack of self-awareness, diminishing self-esteem, or childhood traumas from people who say you will not make it in life. Such experiences mess up our minds and cause us to walk in shame and devoid of confidence.
How to Know if You Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is seen in how one behaves. Here are some of the most common behaviors of a saboteur
Procrastination
In self-sabotage, one tends to ‘forget’ or get lazy and not finish assignments on time. Also, one may be late to work for no good reason. Procrastination entails putting off things and creating false narratives and excuses on why you did not complete a task.
You could put off going to get groceries because you need to ‘save’ or delaying to get to a meeting because ‘the people always get there late’. Whatever reasons and excuses you create, you know deep within it is not true and so it’s just procrastination.
Operating from an empty cup
Therapists and leaders warn you against operating from a point of emptiness. It may be cliché but also true that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Creators are mastering the art of filling yourself first before pouring. They do so by reading books, going to therapy, and listening to podcasts.
I am also working on filling my cup every day because writing can be challenging if you write from a blank mind. In the same breadth, try to do whatever it takes to practice what you preach and more. You become your own saboteur if you try to give what you do not have.
Sticking in fear
While working on self-confidence is a daily job, you can be stuck in fear of failure and achieve nothing. Fear throws you into an imaginary world with constant voices saying, ’ What if you fail? Fear paralyzes your ability to take action and finish a task.
Fear tells you that things will go wrong; you may lose all your money in the investment or people may not support your venture. This amounts to self-sabotage; it ends up discouraging you from pursuing your dreams.
Lack of communication
There are times we miss opportunities that could completely change our lives if only we communicated what we feel in time. You could be facing some challenges and fail to be in the meeting on time or miss that interview.
We all operate on human terms. By communicating effectively, you unlock opportunities and avoid misunderstanding.
Be prompt to communicate whenever you are not comfortable with something or are not able to meet an expectation. Whatever the outcome, you expressed yourself well; rest.
Perfectionism
While perfectionism is great, it often gets in your way of effectiveness when performing a task. A perfectionist believes it’s either you have it or not.
Feeling unaccomplished when things don’t go as perfect as expected deter you from trying and giving your best hence self-sabotage.
Comparison
Comparing yourself to others places them on a pedestal and you end up feeling inferior to them. Comparison kills self-esteem and lowers self-trust and self-worth. It is a way of telling yourself you are not good enough for a given task.
How to Stop Self-sabotage
Self-sabotage lowers our productivity levels due to loss of self-worth and self-confidence. Learning how to identify these behaviors early helps you stretch yourself out of your comfort zone boosting productivity.
Here is how you can stop self-sabotage:
Practice Positive-Self Talk
Self-sabotage brings negative energy into our lives that is fueled by negative self-talk. If you keep speaking negatively even in your silent thoughts, it manifests in your behavior.
Practice positive self-talk by saying good things about yourself. In the thought of self-doubt say ‘I can do this and more’, ‘I will be the best in what I do today’.
There is power in manifesting through the words we speak to ourselves. You can make a habit of listening to positive affirmations as part of your morning routine.
Journaling
Journaling helps us pour out our emotions, document our day, and look at our actions and our triggers. Writing everything down, in your feelings every day, helps you recognize some consistent behaviors that deter your efforts to accomplish tasks.
Once you recognize the behaviors, try to understand how they sabotage your progress and ability to hit your daily goals. For instance, you may recognize the need to acquire emotional intelligence or to stop procrastination.
You can then decide on how you will correct that behavior. For instance, you could decide to talk to a therapist, life coach, or any resourceful person in your life. Do not be afraid to face and deal with your demons.
Improve on Communication
Practice speaking up whenever you feel afraid; it can be a lifesaver. Speaking up helps you with your insecurities since it is no longer a ‘you’ issue. Silence kills potential whenever speaking up is the best thing to do.
Tell your friend, or spouse what you feel about a task, that you are in self-doubt though you know you can do it. They can be the only affirming people you need to smash that goal.
Speak up when you feel incompetent, insufficient, late, or when facing various challenges.
Ask for feedback and act on it
Insecurities may prevent us from asking for and embracing feedback. It is good to accept that you are not perfect and find out areas you want to work on.
Be positive when receiving feedback and act on it the best way you can. Do not let mistakes weigh you down, instead, use them as points of growth. Embrace a growth mindset and do better since you know better.
Act as soon as you think of it
Ever heard of the 5- Second Rule? This rule helps you deal with procrastination. The rule suggests that you only have 5 seconds to start doing a task as soon as you think of it.
For instance, whenever I want to get out of bed, I only have 5 seconds to determine if am waking up or not. I will choose to jump out of bed as soon as the alarm rings instead of snoozing it. It works effectively for me. You might want to try it too and tell me how it goes.
Final Thoughts
Defeating self-sabotage can be challenging if you are not gentle and kind to yourself. Always remember to take yourself on the journey to recovery at a pace you can manage. Results may be slow but you will eventually recover if you do not give up.
You may consider reaching out to a professional to help you deal with self-sabotage.